did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
