Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
