Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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