I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
