i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
