im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
