I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
