Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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