god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
