So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When are your genitals available?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
