Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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