My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
