Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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