i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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