Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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