Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize