Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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