office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
