the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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