"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
