I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yo dont text me then not text me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
