so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
