yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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