when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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