That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
