That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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