At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
