Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
