first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
