I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
