Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
