This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
