I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
false alarm, still single
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
