Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
