so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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