I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
