You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
