So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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