K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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