I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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