i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
