hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
