but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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