dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
