oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
