my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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