Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
