Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
