I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
