i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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