i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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