she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
