Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
