just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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