At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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