Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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