it wasn't lemon gatorade
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
