DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize