my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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