I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
