Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
