when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
