4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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