Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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