so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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