College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
