yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
