Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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